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The title of this post was supposed to be a German word which I can’t recall — Weltschmerz

February 28, 2011

Discontent and angst. Angst and utter sadness.

At 28, the idea of the life I imagined is far away from what my real life is. There is a German word for it which begins with a ‘b’ (I think) but I fucking can’t remember that too!

I tell my mom I want to go see a therapist. I say the ‘therapist’ to soften the blow. I meant a psychiatrist but I didn’t want to upset my mommy dearest. She of course is still horrified by the idea. Her daughter needs a brain doctor! OMG!

“No way on earth! You aren’t a lunatic! All this is hokum. I told you to wear a stone but no one on this earth listens to me! I may as well be dead!

. (Cue…maternal melodrama)

. (Now curse all those soap operas)

:-/

“Just look at your maid and live your life. You will realize you are the luckiest and happiest person alive”, says my mother, the Socrates.

My sixteen year old maid’s misfortunes don’t make me feel lucky. Or happy.

Her dreary, illiterate, poor life makes me feel very, very guilty.

Suddenly, I am appalled. I think of doing a good turn. So, I get up early on a Sunday morning (imagine that!) so that I can do something for her, anything. The only good deed I can think of in my sleep deprived state is that I will make the maid have milk. Lots and lots of milk. And will feed her the fancy oatmeal cookies.

I pick my bright orange mug, fill it up with milk, heat it, and sugar it up.

My maid refuses.

I insist. She meekly says, ‘tea’.

Oh dear! Now I am losing interest. Making tea for my maid at this ungodly hour is not syncing up with my conscience, guilty or not. But I do it anyways.

My maid, “I am not hungry. Can I please take it home for my mother?”

Oh bite me!

When I narrate the whole thing to my mother and rant about how futile her entire philosophy was (I skip the part that it made me feel like such a bad daughter), she says, “Oh! Now remember to take back your mug… don’t you have separate utensils for the maid?”

Right now I am feeling a blend of extreme anger and sadness. Is there a word for that?

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5 Comments leave one →
  1. March 1, 2011 4:13 am

    Mothers….How they love to grate on our nerves..

  2. March 1, 2011 4:18 am

    Do let me know once you recall that german word..

    • March 10, 2011 8:04 pm

      I just can’t seem to remember it…it was used in this sitcom ‘the big bang theory’ but can’t remember the episode and no way am re-watching all of it to find that word (the series is great tho…)

  3. March 18, 2011 7:48 pm

    I know you said starts with a b, but .. ”Weltschmerz’?

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